try begging
There's no way I'd feel this bitter and empty if I gave you something fake.
And one more thing. Now I know why that woman pretended to love him.
It was a complete mistake to try to make him let his guard down in order to escape. I realized that after the call with the woman.
[Leon, do you still love me? That's why you're unhappy?]
okay.
Was that so? You gave me a taste of your sweet love when I was thirsty, and you made me addicted to it, unable to live without it, and then you took it away from me forever. You wanted me to be unhappy so that I could taste happiness.
You're smart. You know that it's harder to have something and then lose it forever than to never have it. I couldn't even imagine it because I'm stupid. I learned it after experiencing it.
The cracks were not only in her world. She disappeared, leaving a crack in the dam of hatred that had been so firmly built that it seemed like it would never collapse. And when that hatred collapsed, the love that had been growing fearlessly behind it burst forth, and there was no way to stop it from washing over him like a tidal wave.
In the place where the meaning as a means has disappeared, only the purpose remains, and in the place where hatred has disappeared, only love remains.
And just as Leon was lost, his love also had nowhere to go.
It was a display of cowardice to believe that he could do without that woman's love. In the first place, that woman had no intention of giving him love, but he pretended to reject her first and forcibly held onto his damaged pride.
The woman, making excuses that were hard to hear, wanted to become something because she couldn't be loved by another man, so she planted hatred. She believed that love fades easily, but hatred doesn't.
But his hatred cooled sooner than his love.
Every time I hesitated to tell a woman that I loved her, it was because my guilt made me click my tongue at the sound of my father's voice.
Do you love the daughter of the woman who killed your father? How pathetic and shameless.
But Dad, for fuck's sake, Grace did nothing wrong.
His father might have accused him of having no conscience, but Winston was a man without a conscience.
He had done his duty and was worthy of shaking off his father's ghost.
"Grace... ."
Now free, Leon can speak his mind without hesitation.
I'm sorry. I misunderstood you. I poured out hatred on you that you didn't deserve. I understand if you can't forgive me.
I still love you. Shamelessly.
But I didn't know where to convey my true feelings. I just confirmed that I was lost again.
"Grace."
He repeated the same name over and over again, like a child learning a new word and practicing it. Then he closed his eyes tightly. In his imagination, he was here now.
"I'll kill you... Don't throw me away... ."
When Grace sniffled and mumbled in her sleep, he put down the glass he was holding. Instead of just laughing it off, Leon hugged her and called her name.
Grace, it's okay. You don't have to kill anyone. I won't abandon you.
But that day he couldn't do that, and in the end he was left here alone.
If only I had known then what I know now. No, if only I had at least trusted that woman. He turned back time with useless regret.
I thought back to the day I last heard Grace's voice, the moment Grace returned to Chesterfield Station. I regretted going back to the moment when I first met the boy and girl on the beach. It was funny. What power did a thirteen-year-old boy have?
I want to go back. I will come back. Come back.
Saying the same thing over and over again. In that state of lostness and disarray of regret, Leon only called out the same name.
Grace. Grace. Grace.
This place was a bottomless pit, where only her name echoed instead of mine.
º º º
The once sunny sky suddenly became capricious and began to pour down thunder and rain.
"It's April."
The commander turned his gaze out the window for a moment, then back to his desk. It was his first day back at work after the Easter break, and his desk was filled with troubling tasks.
As I was handing over the audit-related documents to be submitted to the National Assembly, my secretary started making a fuss outside the door.
"Please wait a moment, Major! If you don't... ."
Major? What's going on? Before he could even think of going out, the door to the office opened wide. The rude man who had barged into the office without any appointment, notice, or even knocking was Major Winston. He knew etiquette better than anyone else, but he was arrogant enough to ignore it.
"Major, what's going on?"
Just looking at the officer who was dragged like a dog by the back of the neck with the major's left hand, he already knew what was going on. Of course, the other person must have known that he asked in a defiant manner. The major glared at him with cold eyes and pushed the officer into the office as if he was throwing him.
"I personally found the lost dog. No, I guess it would be more correct to call it a spy."
There was a murderous aura in the extremely polite and friendly tone.
"The fact that this guy is the Commander's dog was testified by the secretary to save the busy person's time, so don't waste your time with pointless denials."
That damn thing. The commander stood in the doorway, blinking, and then internally scolded his secretary for running out of sight as soon as I brought up the topic. Every time I called Major Winston or asked him to make an appointment, his face would light up, but it seemed he had fallen for the leading question, being seduced by that flashy lunatic.
"By the way, you should train them more thoroughly. Leave traces, create witnesses. There were more than a few instances of carelessness."
The lieutenant who was now standing between the two men, squirming like a cornered rat, was the one sent to get information from Lieutenant Campbell, the major's aide.
Information about that child.
Missing persons reports were collected only by Lieutenant Campbell and his assigned privates. They were all tight-lipped, so it was impossible to know what reports had been collected so far.
So I told them to search through Lieutenant Campbell's desk and find out something, and they got caught carelessly.
"I'm sorry, Commander."
The lieutenant bowed his head and sobbed.
"get out."
As I gave the order in a growling voice, the guy ran outside. I was speechless as he circled past me as if avoiding a wild beast that might attack at any moment and crawled towards the major, apologizing in a voice that made me feel sorry.
Of all things, why did you choose that?
While he was sighing, the major slammed the door shut loudly and strode toward the desk. The commander glared fiercely at the major who had forgotten the hierarchy and was acting insubordinate.
If it had been another officer, it would have been immediately broken by disciplinary action or reprimand, or even just a reprimand. No. If it had been another officer, it would not have been possible to attack the commander in the first place. There were many young officers who could not even say a single word to him.
"What is this?"
The piece of newspaper the major had rudely placed in the middle of the papers he was looking at was a piece of newspaper. As soon as the contents caught the commander's eye, he realized that he had asked a pointless question.
It was an ad for adoption of a child to be born between May and June. This was something he had put out through a private detective, and the indecipherable numbers had a message hidden in code: 'The only one who can hide you from that man is your own blood relatives.'
That's the rebel code that the child had given to the 1st Special Forces Group.
"I didn't know which of Grace Riddle's two blood relatives was the culprit, but now you're turning yourself in."
There was no room for excuses, no need for them. He just stared at the damned man who had searched through all the newspapers to find this ad, pretending to be calm.
"Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? How many of the rebel rats know that there is a traitor out there? And they are advertising in their code. Thanks to her short-sighted biological father, there will be more people trying to take her life now."
The major gritted his teeth and poured out his criticism right in front of his nose, then suddenly twisted his lips.
"You were trying to kill Grace. That's a brilliant tactic."
"That's not it, Major. Why would I kill my daughter?"
Even though he actively denied it, even mentioning her as his daughter, the madness flashing in the Major's eyes did not subside at all.
"Your mistake doesn't end there, Commander. You advertised to them that we know how to decipher the code."
"There's no way he knew I put out this ad...."
"Your mistake doesn't end there, Commander. You advertised to them that we know how to decipher the code."
"There's no way he knew I put out this ad...."
"Even if you don't know that, if someone other than your comrades uses the code of our army, isn't it common sense to assume that the code has been leaked? Now, the rats roaming the streets won't use this code anymore. You're really amazing for completely turning the military's core tactic of eliminating rebels into a blank sheet of paper. At this point, I'm starting to suspect that you, Commander, are a spy for the rebels."