try begging
The moment the child's hand dropped the chewing gum, the man quickly caught it. The sight of them putting the chewing gum in their mouths again and then receiving it was already as natural as if they were real father and daughter.
"When I grow up, I want to become an actor."
The man looked the child in the eye and smiled as he spoke. It was a compliment that she was pretty, but for some reason Grace felt offended.
The couple who treated the child as if it were theirs even though they had never said they would give it to her, and this perfect house suddenly started to look different.
I don't like the look of that guy. There are a lot of bottles of liquor on the shelf. Some of them are half empty. Could he be an alcoholic? Maybe that woman is drinking.
I came to the conclusion that he suddenly started picking on me with absolutely no basis.
Maybe this image of a harmonious and perfect middle-class family was staged.
Grace could not have been unaware of the ridiculous conclusion. It was pathetic.
"Oh my, it's already heavy."
"How can you smile so well even at strangers?"
The man lifted the child up with both hands and played with him. The child burst into laughter as if he was having fun playing a game that Grace had never played before.
picking on me with absolutely no basis.
Maybe this image of a harmonious and perfect middle-class family was staged.
Grace could not have been unaware of the ridiculous conclusion. It was pathetic.
"Oh my, it's already heavy."
"How can you smile so well even at strangers?"
The man lifted the child up with both hands and played with him. The child burst into laughter as if he was having fun playing a game that Grace had never played before.
Yeah, you're smiling well like you were told. You're really kind. Yeah...
The child looked so happy in someone else's arms. He could smile like that without her. It was really, really good.
"Honey, shall we go see your room?"
The woman got up from the sofa, took the child from her husband, and without hesitation headed for the stairs.
Is it time to let you go?
It was when I was sitting in my seat and blankly staring at the back of her head as she walked away. My eyes met with those of a child who was looking around with her shoulder between them. As if my expectation that she was looking for her was right, the child began to tearfully cry and reached out to Grace, bursting into tears.
At that moment, Grace's heart began to pound.
"Honey, what's wrong? Are you uncomfortable?"
The woman struggled to calm the child down for a long time before finally realizing what the child wanted. The two women's joys and sorrows were reversed as they handed the child over to Grace. As expected, the child stopped crying as soon as Grace held him.
She put the baby's mouth back in her mouth and wiped away the tears that were welling up in her eyes with her hand. Even after the tears had dried, the baby still held onto Grace's collar tightly in her small hands and cried, pouting her ugly lips. Grace patted the baby's back and calmed her down.
"I told you not to cry. Why did you cry? Huh?"
It was a voice far removed from scolding.
"It looks like the baby already recognizes his mother."
The woman who had been watching the mother and daughter from a distance muttered bitterly. Grace smiled bitterly on the outside to be polite, but she couldn't help feeling smug on the inside.
It was a foolish thing.
And then scolding the child harshly was an incredibly foolish thing to do.
"Don't laugh at me. I'm getting closer."
On the way back, I ended up getting off the tram halfway.
Because I was thirsty. Grace crossed the street and headed to the beach, making such a lame excuse without anyone asking.
The kiosk was still there, but where the gruff old man had stood was a pimply young man.
"Chalet, one bottle."
I bought soda. It would be a bit strange for an adult carrying a baby to buy strawberry ice cream. Besides, I didn't think it was worth revisiting memories that had already faded. But if I was going to think that way, I shouldn't have gotten off at Abington Beach in the first place.
Because I was thirsty. That was the excuse, but I put the carbonated water in my bag, took off my sandals, and walked toward the sea.
The feel of the fine sand was unfamiliar. It might have been the first time I had stepped on it since that day. My feet sank in and my steps became heavy, and it felt like I was walking into a swamp. I probably felt the same way when I unknowingly entered the beach at that man's villa. At the time, I didn't know it was a swamp.
The boy standing at the end of the beach was in a state of ecstasy, thinking that it was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen. No, now that I look back, I was just mistaken.
Grace, who had been staring blankly at the left end of the beach, suddenly lowered her head. A cool breeze blew, and her golden hair covering her round forehead fluttered like feathers.
In the end, he said he would contact me later and ran away with the child. He had decided that if it was a good home, he would just give it to her on the spot. Why did he hesitate when there really weren't any homes that were as good?
Only when he reached the place where the bubbles were rising did he stop. He stood there, dipping his toes in the water that surged and swept away, and watched until the large passenger ship floating far out in the sea became a dot, and then he spoke to the baby.
"Is it strange? I was surprised at first too."
The baby kept turning his head around, as if he was curious about the sea and the sandy beach. He combed back his messy hair and pointed to the sea with his hand at the baby's eye level.
"Look carefully. That's the sea."
"Aww-."
The child babbled as if following Grace's words. As I looked down at the child with her eyes sparkling in bewilderment, I suddenly became curious.
Is your thirteen-year-old face that of a man?
Maybe she doesn't know. She shouldn't have known.
When you're thirteen, I'll be across the ocean.
As I sat on a bench by the roadside and looked out at the sea, I eventually got thirsty.
"Ugh... why are you drinking something that's just bitter...?"
As soon as she poured herself a glass of soda and took a sip, Grace frowned. The baby sitting on her lap looked at her face with curiosity, then stared intently at the light blue bottle of soda.
"Why? Do you want to try some too?"
When I put the spout of the bottle to his small lips and poured a little bit of soda water, the baby immediately flinched and grimaced. It seemed like his taste was not to his liking.
"Huh-."
"Really? You drink something so tasteless every day? You're a truly incomprehensible person."
Grace's face suddenly hardened as she was talking and laughing to herself while wiping the soda water her baby had spit out with her bib.
"It is not educationally good to badmouth a father in front of a child."
Shut up. Please shut up, I said.
These days, the man has been talking to her all day long. Since she was locked in the annex, he was the only human she could communicate with. Even after escaping, she had been living in isolation, so she had never had a proper conversation with anyone.
So, for the past year and four months, Grace's only conversation partner has been that man.
Even though I wanted to talk to someone, I had no one to talk to, so I kept having conversations with the man in my head, and I would often flinch and stop talking. But that man, even in my head, was incredibly persistent.
"Grace Riddle."
why.
"Have you ever imagined a life without you?"
Yeah, now I'm going to live a life that's not Grace Riddle's. Ordinary. Ordinary like those people.
Grace stared blankly at a young couple standing side by side, each holding the hand of a baby as they toddled along the sandy beach, which was dyed red by the setting sun.
I don't know what a normal life is, but it must look like something like that. Grace tried not to picture herself standing there, trying to picture the man and child. The man in her head whispered annoyingly to her.
"I wonder what life would be like if I wasn't Leon Winston."
The voice that had clearly sounded tired at the moment she heard those words now sounded seductively sweet. Grace suddenly clenched her teeth.
Why are you telling me that? Either way, don't even think about forcing me into your life.
That man, me, and this child, for just the three of us, a normal life was a distant dream.
If that hadn't happened, would you have been a better adult? If that hadn't happened, would we have been happy together? It's funny to think back to those moments when I thought that.
What if is useless and what has happened cannot be undone.
Because that happened, both of them grew up to be worthless adults, and in the end, they left behind only innocent victims called children in their own misfortunes.
Whenever the two of them get together, sparks fly and spread, turning the surroundings into ashes. I couldn't let this innocent child get caught up in that fire.
So, all three believed that in order to achieve ordinary happiness, they had to do so separately.
But what am I doing now?
Grace sighed as she shook the empty bottle filled with seashells and watched the baby smile with the happiest face in the world.
This simple happiness of ours is but a fleeting luxury. What am I doing when I have to let you go before we become unhappy together?
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