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Why do I keep having dreams like this?

The face buried in the pillow was hot.

"Grace."

In the dream, the man placed symbols of his love and desire on her body at the same time and whispered caressingly in her ear, persistently lingering in her mind.

Since when have you been so confident in calling me Grace?

Since meeting her on a cruise ship two years ago, the man started calling her Grace in his dreams. Sometimes, she would dream that she had been caught then. It was the most anxious time, so it made sense, but why are her dreams becoming more and more obscene these days?

Are you frustrated?

I didn't think I had such a desire. Even if it's normal to have a strange dream when you consider it to be a primal desire that all humans have, what I had a moment ago was definitely not normal.

"Maybe God created milk in two parts so that father and child can share it."

Even this perverted statement was not something the man actually said. It was something that came out of Grace's head.

"Ugh...."

She was clutching her head.

No. I'm not that kind of pervert. I just dreamed about that guy because he said the same thing. It's just because I know him too well.

"What are you doing, Mom?"

Ellie, who had been sniffing around in her arms while she was in pain, suddenly tried to raise her head. Grace sighed and held the child in her arms so that she could not raise her head.

"Just 30 minutes."

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even look at Ellie's face.

º º º

"...daisy."

No, your name is Grace.

"More, you dirty little pig!"

don't go!

Leon grabbed Grace's wrist as she tried to run away. Then he shouted at his father's silhouette, which was only visible through the strong headlights.

Go back now!

But nothing changed.

"My name is Sally Bristol."

How many times do I have to say your name is Grace? And you're a spy, not a maid.

"You really like me?"

Yeah, I like it. No, I love it.

Leon removed the noose from around Grace's slender neck.

You don't belong in the torture chamber. Let's go to your brother together. Every moment you read your mother's diary, open your eyes to the truth, and take revenge, I won't let go of your hand.

And when we finally throw off all the shackles that weigh us down, wait for me on the beach at sunset, just like the day we first met. Side by side with our daughter.

But Grace was gone.

I looked back on all my mistakes and made different choices, but the results were the same. This wasn't reality.

At least the countless repetitions of this dream were not completely in vain, as he was able to turn his last moments with Grace into the outcome he wanted.

Grace, who was unable to escape from the ship, eventually came to his room on her own. Outside the balcony, the dark blue sea was rough with white foam, and in the bedroom, tears continued to flow.

"Sob... ."

Leon looked at Grace, who was crying sadly while holding the child, and asked, "Is this really the outcome I wanted?"

My life is over without you, but you cry as if your life is over because of me.

One day, he made up his mind. That if this woman cried in front of him again, he would hug her instead of laughing at her. But Leon couldn't do that. He was the one who made Grace cry.

To him who could only watch without saying a word or touching anything... .

"cadet-."

A baby whose face cannot be seen holds out his hand.

"... ... ."

I wanted to call him, but Leon couldn't.

Hello, my daughter. What is your name?

I asked that, but the child did not answer. This time, I was about to grab his chubby hand.

"... ... ."

I woke up just before it touched me.

Leon sighed and turned his head to the side. The window beyond his hazy vision, as if he was drunk, was bluish. It was early morning, and not even the sound of birds chirping could be heard.

Why is it already broken? Should I increase the capacity?

Early or late, in the past, he would open his eyes and immediately get out of bed. But at some point, it became difficult for him to act like a living human being.

The sheets were cold to his hands. When he realized that he had unconsciously placed his hand on the empty seat next to him, Leon pulled his hand away as if he had been burned by the cold. He found it funny that he habitually left one side of the bed empty, but he couldn't laugh. It was the woman's job to laugh at him.

If you're going to laugh, laugh in front of me.

As the image of her blowing a mocking kiss came to mind again, he got up, his body heavy as water-soaked cotton. He would do anything to be mocked one more time.

Even after entering the bathroom, the dreamlike, hazy feeling of everything not going away.

When did you turn it on?

Leon stared blankly at the water pouring into the sink, then suddenly came to his senses.

Fuck.

He looked at the glass bottle on the shelf above the sink. The bottle, labeled 'Barbital', contained white pills. It seemed like it had only been opened recently, but the bottom was already visible.

Why do humans need sleep?

He couldn't sleep without sleeping pills anymore. And because of those damned barbiturates, he had dreams every night. Whether they were nightmares or happy dreams, waking up was just as painful.

Crunch. As he snatched the bottle, the pills inside screamed in an unpleasant manner. Leon couldn't move as he raised his hand to throw the bottle into the trash can in the corner of the bathroom.

The naughty woman asked lovingly.

"Are you unhappy?"

I was happy in my dream.

Click. The bottle was returned to the shelf.

Without that damn barbiturate, he couldn't dream every night. Whether it was a nightmare or a happy dream, he couldn't meet that woman and that child unless it was a dream.

On a really lucky day, I dreamed about the last happy moment I had ever experienced, the day I lost Grace and the baby at the port two years ago.

The result was unfortunate, but the process, that one moment of holding that woman and child, was happy, so ironically, that day remained as one of the happiest days in his life.

The smell, the warmth, the sight, and even the voice. As time passed, all the sensations from that time became faint in reality, but when I dreamed under the influence of the drug, that moment was vivid as if it were real. That's why Leon couldn't stop taking that cursed drug today either.

And this morning's dream was also quite happy.

You were happy. You defined a happy dream as seeing Grace cry.

Leon, who was washing his face with running water, raised his head with a sneer. However, the man in the half-collapsed mirror was not smiling.

Ice-cold water dripped from his rusty and cracked face. He looked expressionless, like a living corpse.

He couldn't die because the woman wasn't dead yet, but he himself, who wasn't alive because the woman wasn't by his side, was no different from a living corpse.

º º º

Ellie was particularly troubled by morning sleep.

"Mom, come here!"

"Then just 5 minutes."

"No."

I shortened '30 minutes' to '10 minutes', and '10 minutes' to '5 minutes', but my partner did not know how to compromise. The words 'my father is stubborn and merciless' rose to the tip of my tongue, but I had to hold it in.

"Mom, I want to wake up too, but it's so warm under the blanket that I melted."

Grace also had trouble sleeping in the morning, but waking up early on her own will and having to wake up against her will were different things. The warm bed in late autumn felt like a swamp. As she continued to groan, Ellie stood up and spoke solemnly.

"Then Mom, stay home. Ellie will come later."

"Huh?"

Grace peeked out of the blanket in surprise. The child who had been clinging to her mother and not wanting to leave her began to become more independent when she was about two and a half years old.

No, but you're already saying something like that?

Ellie, holding the stuffed rabbit in her arms, hurried down the bed, opened the door, and ran into the living room. As if she really intended to go out alone, the child returned to the bedroom, wrapping a scarf around her neck and holding a coat in her hand.

"Put it on."

Oh, let me see how far I can go. I smiled and put a coat on over my pajamas, unbuttoned it, and gave it to Ellie. Then she turned to the side table.

"Mom, what kind of bread mug is that?"

"Huh? What are you doing now, Ellie?"

"money."

Grace had no choice but to stand up and raise the white flag as the child, who knew that she needed money to buy bread, took her wallet out of the handbag on the nightstand.

Why do I keep having dreams like this?

The face buried in the pillow was hot.

"Grace."

In the dream, the man placed symbols of his love and desire on her body at the same time and whispered caressingly in her ear, persistently lingering in her mind.

Since when have you been so confident in calling me Grace?

Since meeting her on a cruise ship two years ago, the man started calling her Grace in his dreams. Sometimes, she would dream that she had been caught then. It was the most anxious time, so it made sense, but why are her dreams becoming more and more obscene these days?

Are you frustrated?

I didn't think I had such a desire. Even if it's normal to have a strange dream when you consider it to be a primal desire that all humans have, what I had a moment ago was definitely not normal.

"Maybe God created milk in two parts so that father and child can share it."

Even this perverted statement was not something the man actually said. It was something that came out of Grace's head.

"Ugh...."

She was clutching her head.

No. I'm not that kind of pervert. I just dreamed about that guy because he said the same thing. It's just because I know him too well.

"What are you doing, Mom?"

Ellie, who had been sniffing around in her arms while she was in pain, suddenly tried to raise her head. Grace sighed and held the child in her arms so that she could not raise her head.

"Just 30 minutes."

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even look at Ellie's face.

º º º

"...daisy."

No, your name is Grace.

"More, you dirty little pig!"

don't go!

Leon grabbed Grace's wrist as she tried to run away. Then he shouted at his father's silhouette, which was only visible through the strong headlights.

Go back now!

But nothing changed.

"My name is Sally Bristol."

How many times do I have to say your name is Grace? And you're a spy, not a maid.

"You really like me?"

Yeah, I like it. No, I love it.

Leon removed the noose from around Grace's slender neck.

You don't belong in the torture chamber. Let's go to your brother together. Every moment you read your mother's diary, open your eyes to the truth, and take revenge, I won't let go of your hand.

And when we finally throw off all the shackles that weigh us down, wait for me on the beach at sunset, just like the day we first met. Side by side with our daughter.

But Grace was gone.

I looked back on all my mistakes and made different choices, but the results were the same. This wasn't reality.

At least the countless repetitions of this dream were not completely in vain, as he was able to turn his last moments with Grace into the outcome he wanted.

Grace, who was unable to escape from the ship, eventually came to his room on her own. Outside the balcony, the dark blue sea was rough with white foam, and in the bedroom, tears continued to flow.

"Sob... ."

Leon looked at Grace, who was crying sadly while holding the child, and asked, "Is this really the outcome I wanted?"

My life is over without you, but you cry as if your life is over because of me.

One day, he made up his mind. That if this woman cried in front of him again, he would hug her instead of laughing at her. But Leon couldn't do that. He was the one who made Grace cry.

To him who could only watch without saying a word or touching anything... .

"cadet-."

A baby whose face cannot be seen holds out his hand.

"... ... ."

I wanted to call him, but Leon couldn't.

Hello, my daughter. What is your name?

I asked that, but the child did not answer. This time, I was about to grab his chubby hand.

"... ... ."

I woke up just before it touched me.

Leon sighed and turned his head to the side. The window beyond his hazy vision, as if he was drunk, was bluish. It was early morning, and not even the sound of birds chirping could be heard.

Why is it already broken? Should I increase the capacity?

Early or late, in the past, he would open his eyes and immediately get out of bed. But at some point, it became difficult for him to act like a living human being.

The sheets were cold to his hands. When he realized that he had unconsciously placed his hand on the empty seat next to him, Leon pulled his hand away as if he had been burned by the cold. He found it funny that he habitually left one side of the bed empty, but he couldn't laugh. It was the woman's job to laugh at him.

If you're going to laugh, laugh in front of me.

As the image of her blowing a mocking kiss came to mind again, he got up, his body heavy as water-soaked cotton. He would do anything to be mocked one more time.

Even after entering the bathroom, the dreamlike, hazy feeling of everything not going away.

When did you turn it on?

Leon stared blankly at the water pouring into the sink, then suddenly came to his senses.

Fuck.

He looked at the glass bottle on the shelf above the sink. The bottle, labeled 'Barbital', contained white pills. It seemed like it had only been opened recently, but the bottom was already visible.

Why do humans need sleep?

He couldn't sleep without sleeping pills anymore. And because of those damned barbiturates, he had dreams every night. Whether they were nightmares or happy dreams, waking up was just as painful.

Crunch. As he snatched the bottle, the pills inside screamed in an unpleasant manner. Leon couldn't move as he raised his hand to throw the bottle into the trash can in the corner of the bathroom.

The naughty woman asked lovingly.

"Are you unhappy?"

I was happy in my dream.

Click. The bottle was returned to the shelf.

Without that damn barbiturate, he couldn't dream every night. Whether it was a nightmare or a happy dream, he couldn't meet that woman and that child unless it was a dream.

On a really lucky day, I dreamed about the last happy moment I had ever experienced, the day I lost Grace and the baby at the port two years ago.

The result was unfortunate, but the process, that one moment of holding that woman and child, was happy, so ironically, that day remained as one of the happiest days in his life.

The smell, the warmth, the sight, and even the voice. As time passed, all the sensations from that time became faint in reality, but when I dreamed under the influence of the drug, that moment was vivid as if it were real. That's why Leon couldn't stop taking that cursed drug today either.

And this morning's dream was also quite happy.

You were happy. You defined a happy dream as seeing Grace cry.

Leon, who was washing his face with running water, raised his head with a sneer. However, the man in the half-collapsed mirror was not smiling.

Ice-cold water dripped from his rusty and cracked face. He looked expressionless, like a living corpse.

He couldn't die because the woman wasn't dead yet, but he himself, who wasn't alive because the woman wasn't by his side, was no different from a living corpse.

º º º

Ellie was particularly troubled by morning sleep.

"Mom, come here!"

"Then just 5 minutes."

"No."

I shortened '30 minutes' to '10 minutes', and '10 minutes' to '5 minutes', but my partner did not know how to compromise. The words 'my father is stubborn and merciless' rose to the tip of my tongue, but I had to hold it in.

"Mom, I want to wake up too, but it's so warm under the blanket that I melted."

Grace also had trouble sleeping in the morning, but waking up early on her own will and having to wake up against her will were different things. The warm bed in late autumn felt like a swamp. As she continued to groan, Ellie stood up and spoke solemnly.

"Then Mom, stay home. Ellie will come later."

"Huh?"

Grace peeked out of the blanket in surprise. The child who had been clinging to her mother and not wanting to leave her began to become more independent when she was about two and a half years old.

No, but you're already saying something like that?

Ellie, holding the stuffed rabbit in her arms, hurried down the bed, opened the door, and ran into the living room. As if she really intended to go out alone, the child returned to the bedroom, wrapping a scarf around her neck and holding a coat in her hand.

"Put it on."

Oh, let me see how far I can go. I smiled and put a coat on over my pajamas, unbuttoned it, and gave it to Ellie. Then she turned to the side table.

"Mom, what kind of bread mug is that?"

"Huh? What are you doing now, Ellie?"

"money."

Grace had no choice but to stand up and raise the white flag as the child, who knew that she needed money to buy bread, took her wallet out of the handbag on the nightstand.