try begging
"Huh...."
Grace had to cover my mouth again.
It cracks. It breaks. It falls apart.
On the other end of the phone, a human being is heard collapsing. Caught in the rubble is none other than a monster called revenge.
The monster that ruled Grace was dead. Grace, finally freed, trembled like a naked newborn bird.
Humans long for familiar bondage rather than unfamiliar freedom. Whether it was herself or that man, the human form was strange to her and the monster was familiar.
stop.
Please go back to being the original monster.
Her hands were trembling as tears flowed down her face, making her wet. It was painful to silently listen to the sobs that sounded like the sound of someone losing their breath, so she managed to squeeze out her voice, which was also trembling just as much.
"Leon... ."
[Yes, I still love you. That's why I'm unhappy.]
Did he think she was just calling him by a name he didn't usually call her to mock him for being unhappy because he loved her like he used to? The man misunderstood her intentions and even put a curse on himself that Grace no longer wanted.
[Don't worry. I'll be unhappy forever... just like you wished.]
That day, lying on the cold floor of the torture chamber, her body battered and bruised, Grace made a promise.
I'm going to make you miserable someday.
I wanted to drag the man who reigned supreme down to the ground like that. I wanted to look down at that arrogant man, prostrating himself at her feet and crawling pathetically on the ground, and then I would say those words back to him in the ecstasy of conquest.
The Vampire of Camden. I had high hopes for it because of the rumors... .
It's not that great.
And he will leave, leaving only cold ridicule behind, just as he did.
But now that the moment she had been waiting for had arrived, Grace couldn't smile.
[I'll take all the misfortune... I hope you and Ellie are happy. I'm so sorry for ruining your happy life.]
While Grace was speechless, the man, as if he was prepared for the end, poured out his suppressed feelings with sobs.
[I was so proud that I could fit in with that happy family, even though I was an uninvited guest... but I realized that there was no place for me there. If only we had never met again, neither you nor I would have suffered this much... ]
He sighed, unable to continue speaking.
[Ellie... really... painfully... .]
Even though he didn't say anything, the pain was vivid in his voice, as if he was squeezing it out.
[Lovely...]
He was again speechless. Grace swallowed her own, listening to him swallow his own sobs.
After quite some time had passed, a deep breath could be heard, followed by a calm voice that seemed to have calmed down its emotions.
[I thought about that. Where did I act differently, so that I could have prevented you from leaving again after giving everything to me? The door was already closed, but I foolishly reflected in front of the closed door.]
He began a lengthy confession.
[I know you're not curious, but if I may make an excuse...]
If I couldn't have your love, I wanted to have your equally intense hatred. Even when you smile, you suddenly think of me and grind your teeth, and even when you're so far away, you can't let me go.
May I remain embedded in you like a nail for the rest of your life, never to fall out. Even if I am a crooked and rusty nail that only hurts you.
[...I know. It's so childish.]
Grace's hollow laughter weighed on her tightly packed chest.
The nail was still there. Maybe when I forget everything and laugh across the ocean, when I suddenly think of him, this spot will hurt. But can this nail really be called hatred?
[It was easy to drive a nail. It was hard to take it out. It might be right to say it was the hardest thing in the world. Because when I approached you to take the nail out, you thought I was going to drive a nail in, so you were on guard.]
"... ... ."
[So I thought I would take it slow after I left you alone. I thought I would have time to do that once I had a child to tie you and me together... I was foolish.]
There was a brief, wet gasp, and then he continued.
[I don't regret creating Ellie. But I did you wrong.]
Grace was at a loss for words at the unexpected apology. She thought he didn't regret using her body for selfish purposes, just like he said, anyone who creates a child for selfish purposes.
[The more I saw you, the more I felt miserable. What did I do to you?]
It was also surprising that he felt guilty every time he managed to find something similar in a child who didn't look much like her.
[You must have felt miserable every time you saw me in front of Ellie. You must have remembered what I did.]
Yes, it was painful. But the reasons were wrong.
I've been asking Ellie every time I've seen you since last Christmas.
What have I done to you?
[I felt it when I saw you. My one-sided apology that you weren't ready to accept must have been uncomfortable for you. You were still angry with me, and it must have felt like I was taking away your chance to express your anger. It might have felt like another push. It's my fault for not gaining your trust even though you gave me time.]
He continued to apologize calmly, but suddenly he burst into laughter.
[Should I confess honestly? Right now, I'm calculating how I should act to make you weak-hearted. Should I act pitiful or persuade you logically?]
I heard a self-deprecating laugh. No, when I listened closely, it didn't seem like laughter.
[Look at this. I still have no conscience, so I can't let go of my greed for you.]
Yes, that's Winston. Rather than being angry that he was thinking at this moment, I felt bitter that I was relieved to see something familiar.
[You can't just pass by a pitiful person. Do you know that I wish you would take pity on me and tell me to go with you?]
Leon Winston knew Grace Riddle all too well. From the moment she apologized to him for her father's misdeeds and confessed that she loved him, to the moment she gave Ellie to him. The moments when she was weak toward this man were based on her compassion for him.
[But everything I say is true. Trust me on this.]
Grace knew Leon Winston too well. So she was no longer swayed by his tricks. The reason she was swayed now was because everything he said tonight was true.
"Leon... ."
Grace called him and was silent for a moment. The words tangled on her tongue. But she wouldn't say what he expected.
"Ellie forgot you."
It was a wake-up call to the man who shook me.
"Your place is no more."
He had a place in Eli's heart, but it was gone.
"There's no way we'll leave together."
The fact that Ellie had forgotten him wasn't the only reason they couldn't be together.
"I will also confess honestly."
Grace let out a sigh as dejected as her confession.
"I don't know how I feel about you. When I think of you, my mind turns black, like all the colors overlap and become pitch black."
When saying such things, the man who had to persistently insist that among the countless colors, there must also be a color that represents affection for him was quiet.
"I find you difficult."
From body to mind, from life to death, everything about this man was always a burden to Grace.
"There's no answer for us, our relationship. We've gone too far down the wrong path from the beginning. I know you want to fix a relationship that was buttoned up wrong from the start. But..."
Grace finally let out what she had been feeling since the moment their relationship first went wrong.
"I want to throw it away."
Forgotten by his daughter and abandoned by the woman he loved. What was an inevitable confession to her was a cruel death sentence to him.
Another human collapse was heard on the other end of the line. Grace finally burst into tears and poured out her feelings.
"It's not because I resent you. It's not because I hate you. I don't want you to be unhappy anymore."
[But why...]
"I... am not confident."
Only after waiting for the wet sigh on the other end of the phone to die down did Grace open her mouth.
"Even if a broken teacup is put back together, a crack will remain."
The world broke us. We broke each other. We broke and rebuilt so many times.
We are children holding fragile teacups in our hands. We do not know how to handle each other, so we have made each other full of scars. That is how gold and silver pile up. And one day, there will come a day when we will be so broken that we cannot be put back together.
"No matter how much I forgive and accept you, when the time comes that you become a burden again, I will break more easily than before, following the cracks left by the past. You will do the same. That's what I'm afraid of."