doomed to be cannon fodder

Chapter 7: Hey! What Kind of Evil Spirit Are You!

Xiao Shi responded easily, going over to water the cactus. After a while, Bai Xiangxiu heard a happy voice say, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” She instinctively answered, and then shot up. How many times have I had this hallucination? This really isn’t logical!

“Mistress Xiu, what is it?” She saw her mistress, having been unconscious for many days, suddenly jump off her bed and stare at the cactus for a very long time in only her undergarments! Still staring at the cactus, her mistress suddenly demanded, “Hey, what sort of evil spirit are you?”

Xiao Shi was flabbergasted, “…” She then suddenly ran out, screaming loudly, “Someone come quick! Call the doctor from the medicine hall! Mistress Xiu… something’s wrong with Mistress Xiu!”

Bai Xiangxiu could only feel a headache coming on. How is there something wrong with me? I’m clearly perfectly fine!

“I am not a demon, I am a cactus. I’m Huo’er,” a fluffy voice sounded. Bai Xiangxiu took a few steps back in her fright. She was now utterly and completely certain that there was something wrong with her. Why else would she feel like this cactus was actually speaking to her?

“You… you… it’s nothing to do with you, I feel like I should see a doctor.” She returned to her bed and laid down on her back, her limbs splayed out as she waited for the doctor to come. However, she quickly felt like it was a little undignified, so she covered herself with a blanket.

“Mistress, Huo’er is really comfortable today. Huo’er wants to go sunbathing,” The voice seemed to resound with a childish joy. Bai Xiangxiu was now convinced her sickness was escalating.

The doctor entered the courtyard before too long. He was an elderly man, so they didn’t much stick to formalities. Bai Xiangxiu quickly threw out her arm, almost frantic, ‘Doctor, I’m experiencing hallucinations, like someone is speaking to me. Quickly, check whether or not I’ve gone crazy.”

That old doctor’s lips twitched. A madwoman who so quickly and readily admitted that she was crazy. This was a first. After taking her pulse, he smiled, “Mistress Xiu has already basically made a full recovery. You only need to take some medicine and everything will be fine.”

Sigh, I rushed all the way here only to find that there’s nothing wrong with the person in question. He quickly dispensed some medicine, packed up his doctor’s bag and left.

Bai Xiangxiu remained lying on the bed, saying, “Doctor, please don’t go, I really am sick.” The voice within her head replied, “I am not someone, I am Huo’er. I am Huo’er, Huo’er is the cactus.”

Who’d ever heard of a cactus who could talk? She hadn’t, at the very least.

Xiao Shi was also at a loss of what to do at this moment, but at least she could finally set her mind at ease after hearing the doctor say that her mistress was alright. Really, her mistress was probably only showing some anomalies since she’d been frightened that much. Perhaps she would recover after resting for a time.

Bai Xiangxiu was ‘crazy’ for a full two days, and it was only after the news of her having turned crazy spread that she herself finally accepted reality. After all, it was only a fluffy cactus that could talk, and something only she could hear. As long as she pretended that she couldn’t hear it, wouldn’t she still be a perfectly normal person?

While Huo’er was really a cactus, it was a cactus that didn’t know anything at all. It slept around twenty hours a day, only awake for four. Therefore, she also didn’t feel too bothered by it. What bothered her now was another matter. She hadn’t been able to return home even after being pricked by a cactus. Did it have anything to do with the location and time?

That day, she had tried pricking herself at the same location and the same time, but couldn’t return even when she bled. Did that meant that she would have to wait for the same day next year? Having asked Xiao Shi, she had learnt that that day was a little different, because it was the annual Ghost Festival.

Did she truly have to wait for this hour on next year’s Ghost Festival before she could prick herself once more and return? But in a year, she’d already have been beaten to the death by staves. She was on the verge of panicking; the scenes from that day were still fresh in her mind.

She definitely had to find a way to avoid that from happening. Within this year, she definitely had to find a thick thigh to hug 1 in order to surpass this tribulation. That way, even if she couldn’t return, at least she could still live a good life, right?

As for finding a handsome guy from ancient times and live through a glorious romance, that was far too impractical. It was best she didn’t think much of it. But whose thigh should she hug?

The male lead’s–

Definitely not. Bai Xiangxiu’s head immediately spun into knots when she thought of him.

The old madame’s–

Definitely not as well. The effects of thinking about her were the same as thinking about her son, Prince Li.

When she thought about it, she’d only really seen the main supporting male character, Song Jiaoyue, since she’d transmigrated here.

Song Jiaoyue was actually a tender person both inside and out. If one said that the male lead was fire, then he would be water. If one said that the male lead was the blazing hot sun, then he was the cold, tranquil moon. Meanwhile, his family background was also not bad, staying on par with that of the male lead’s. The other male supporting characters were all a little too weak; even if she managed to successfully seduce them, they would never be able to stand up to the male lead.

If it was Song Jiaoyue, getting her out of this relationship with the male lead would be an extremely simple matter. He was wholeheartedly devoted when it came to his feelings. If he fell in love, he would ignore everyone else, including the concubines who currently lived with him, just like the male lead. Song Jiaoyue was also known for being extremely gentle towards women. He definitely wouldn’t do anything like beating them to death. Therefore, as she considered, it seemed that his was the only thigh she could hug.

As for the method of hugging, it could only be through the method of gifting herself to him. What, was she to make friends with a man like in modern times? A purely platonic friendship between men and women or whatnot was already rare in the modern age, much less in ancient times.

After considering things for a long time, Bai Xiangxiu finally decided to chase Song Jiaoyue, helping him shake off his solitary fate, while also ensuring that she wouldn’t be beaten to death by staves. The male lead would only think of throwing out his bunch of concubines later on. If someone asked for her, wouldn’t he immediately hand her over on a platter to Song Jiaoyue with his own hands?

The question was: how to chase him?

The reason Song Jiaoyue had liked the female lead was her talent. He had been deeply enraptured by her singing, having heard her as she played an instrument in the male lead’s house. Therefore, Song Jiaoyue liked women not because of their appearance, but because of their talents. Bai Xiangxiu stroked her lower chin. Where did her talents lie? After all, she only knew how to arrange flowers and plants!

But if she wanted to get close to Song Jiaoyue, she must first have talent. This was the most important factor.

After thinking over things for a bit, she first decided to browse through all the poems and whatnot they had here. She could corroborate her findings with what she knew of history and see if there were any transmigrating seniors who’d long since finished plagiarizing and stealing all the poems she knew of. Otherwise, if she randomly threw out a verse later on and others all accused her of plagiarism, that would really be tragic. Therefore, she began reading diligently, imitating how she’d studied for her college entrance exams in the past.

Seeing her mistress spending day after day submerged in books, reading from morning till night and obsessed to the point of not even brushing her hair or washing her face, Xiao Shi wondered, are books really that good to read?

She’d thought that normal days were going to return when her mistress finished the books. But who knew that her mistress would also begin working on her handwriting. She also did that from morning to night, tiring herself out so much that she tied the brush to her fingers and continued writing.

Having never ever seen such a self-abusive mistress before, Xiao Shi really was badly frightened. Meanwhile, the servants once again spread rumors of Mistress Xiu, that she had been frightened into a mad devil since that day, her behavior becoming more and more erratic.

Two months of this crazy schedule had passed before Prince Li heard of it. After the old madame told him about it, she mentioned, “I’ll send some people over to take a look later. If she really is deeply crazy, I’ll send her over to the temple to rest. Perhaps the power of the Buddha would help her to recover.”

Nodding, Long Heng agreed. It all felt a little unreal as he strode out of the old madame’s abode. The lively and intelligent girl that day had gone mad just like this? After a brief hesitation, his footsteps turned onto the beaten path towards Winter Garden.

1. Thigh hugging means finding a backer/patron. This translation was conducted more literally as the humor within fits the MC’s tone

Chapter 7: Hey! What Kind of Evil Spirit Are You!

Xiao Shi responded easily, going over to water the cactus. After a while, Bai Xiangxiu heard a happy voice say, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” She instinctively answered, and then shot up. How many times have I had this hallucination? This really isn’t logical!

“Mistress Xiu, what is it?” She saw her mistress, having been unconscious for many days, suddenly jump off her bed and stare at the cactus for a very long time in only her undergarments! Still staring at the cactus, her mistress suddenly demanded, “Hey, what sort of evil spirit are you?”

Xiao Shi was flabbergasted, “…” She then suddenly ran out, screaming loudly, “Someone come quick! Call the doctor from the medicine hall! Mistress Xiu… something’s wrong with Mistress Xiu!”

Bai Xiangxiu could only feel a headache coming on. How is there something wrong with me? I’m clearly perfectly fine!

“I am not a demon, I am a cactus. I’m Huo’er,” a fluffy voice sounded. Bai Xiangxiu took a few steps back in her fright. She was now utterly and completely certain that there was something wrong with her. Why else would she feel like this cactus was actually speaking to her?

“You… you… it’s nothing to do with you, I feel like I should see a doctor.” She returned to her bed and laid down on her back, her limbs splayed out as she waited for the doctor to come. However, she quickly felt like it was a little undignified, so she covered herself with a blanket.

“Mistress, Huo’er is really comfortable today. Huo’er wants to go sunbathing,” The voice seemed to resound with a childish joy. Bai Xiangxiu was now convinced her sickness was escalating.

The doctor entered the courtyard before too long. He was an elderly man, so they didn’t much stick to formalities. Bai Xiangxiu quickly threw out her arm, almost frantic, ‘Doctor, I’m experiencing hallucinations, like someone is speaking to me. Quickly, check whether or not I’ve gone crazy.”

That old doctor’s lips twitched. A madwoman who so quickly and readily admitted that she was crazy. This was a first. After taking her pulse, he smiled, “Mistress Xiu has already basically made a full recovery. You only need to take some medicine and everything will be fine.”

Sigh, I rushed all the way here only to find that there’s nothing wrong with the person in question. He quickly dispensed some medicine, packed up his doctor’s bag and left.

Bai Xiangxiu remained lying on the bed, saying, “Doctor, please don’t go, I really am sick.” The voice within her head replied, “I am not someone, I am Huo’er. I am Huo’er, Huo’er is the cactus.”

Who’d ever heard of a cactus who could talk? She hadn’t, at the very least.

Xiao Shi was also at a loss of what to do at this moment, but at least she could finally set her mind at ease after hearing the doctor say that her mistress was alright. Really, her mistress was probably only showing some anomalies since she’d been frightened that much. Perhaps she would recover after resting for a time.

Bai Xiangxiu was ‘crazy’ for a full two days, and it was only after the news of her having turned crazy spread that she herself finally accepted reality. After all, it was only a fluffy cactus that could talk, and something only she could hear. As long as she pretended that she couldn’t hear it, wouldn’t she still be a perfectly normal person?

While Huo’er was really a cactus, it was a cactus that didn’t know anything at all. It slept around twenty hours a day, only awake for four. Therefore, she also didn’t feel too bothered by it. What bothered her now was another matter. She hadn’t been able to return home even after being pricked by a cactus. Did it have anything to do with the location and time?

That day, she had tried pricking herself at the same location and the same time, but couldn’t return even when she bled. Did that meant that she would have to wait for the same day next year? Having asked Xiao Shi, she had learnt that that day was a little different, because it was the annual Ghost Festival.

Did she truly have to wait for this hour on next year’s Ghost Festival before she could prick herself once more and return? But in a year, she’d already have been beaten to the death by staves. She was on the verge of panicking; the scenes from that day were still fresh in her mind.

She definitely had to find a way to avoid that from happening. Within this year, she definitely had to find a thick thigh to hug 1 in order to surpass this tribulation. That way, even if she couldn’t return, at least she could still live a good life, right?

As for finding a handsome guy from ancient times and live through a glorious romance, that was far too impractical. It was best she didn’t think much of it. But whose thigh should she hug?

The male lead’s–

Definitely not. Bai Xiangxiu’s head immediately spun into knots when she thought of him.

The old madame’s–

Definitely not as well. The effects of thinking about her were the same as thinking about her son, Prince Li.

When she thought about it, she’d only really seen the main supporting male character, Song Jiaoyue, since she’d transmigrated here.

Song Jiaoyue was actually a tender person both inside and out. If one said that the male lead was fire, then he would be water. If one said that the male lead was the blazing hot sun, then he was the cold, tranquil moon. Meanwhile, his family background was also not bad, staying on par with that of the male lead’s. The other male supporting characters were all a little too weak; even if she managed to successfully seduce them, they would never be able to stand up to the male lead.

If it was Song Jiaoyue, getting her out of this relationship with the male lead would be an extremely simple matter. He was wholeheartedly devoted when it came to his feelings. If he fell in love, he would ignore everyone else, including the concubines who currently lived with him, just like the male lead. Song Jiaoyue was also known for being extremely gentle towards women. He definitely wouldn’t do anything like beating them to death. Therefore, as she considered, it seemed that his was the only thigh she could hug.

As for the method of hugging, it could only be through the method of gifting herself to him. What, was she to make friends with a man like in modern times? A purely platonic friendship between men and women or whatnot was already rare in the modern age, much less in ancient times.

After considering things for a long time, Bai Xiangxiu finally decided to chase Song Jiaoyue, helping him shake off his solitary fate, while also ensuring that she wouldn’t be beaten to death by staves. The male lead would only think of throwing out his bunch of concubines later on. If someone asked for her, wouldn’t he immediately hand her over on a platter to Song Jiaoyue with his own hands?

The question was: how to chase him?

The reason Song Jiaoyue had liked the female lead was her talent. He had been deeply enraptured by her singing, having heard her as she played an instrument in the male lead’s house. Therefore, Song Jiaoyue liked women not because of their appearance, but because of their talents. Bai Xiangxiu stroked her lower chin. Where did her talents lie? After all, she only knew how to arrange flowers and plants!

But if she wanted to get close to Song Jiaoyue, she must first have talent. This was the most important factor.

After thinking over things for a bit, she first decided to browse through all the poems and whatnot they had here. She could corroborate her findings with what she knew of history and see if there were any transmigrating seniors who’d long since finished plagiarizing and stealing all the poems she knew of. Otherwise, if she randomly threw out a verse later on and others all accused her of plagiarism, that would really be tragic. Therefore, she began reading diligently, imitating how she’d studied for her college entrance exams in the past.

Seeing her mistress spending day after day submerged in books, reading from morning till night and obsessed to the point of not even brushing her hair or washing her face, Xiao Shi wondered, are books really that good to read?

She’d thought that normal days were going to return when her mistress finished the books. But who knew that her mistress would also begin working on her handwriting. She also did that from morning to night, tiring herself out so much that she tied the brush to her fingers and continued writing.

Having never ever seen such a self-abusive mistress before, Xiao Shi really was badly frightened. Meanwhile, the servants once again spread rumors of Mistress Xiu, that she had been frightened into a mad devil since that day, her behavior becoming more and more erratic.

Two months of this crazy schedule had passed before Prince Li heard of it. After the old madame told him about it, she mentioned, “I’ll send some people over to take a look later. If she really is deeply crazy, I’ll send her over to the temple to rest. Perhaps the power of the Buddha would help her to recover.”

Nodding, Long Heng agreed. It all felt a little unreal as he strode out of the old madame’s abode. The lively and intelligent girl that day had gone mad just like this? After a brief hesitation, his footsteps turned onto the beaten path towards Winter Garden.

1. Thigh hugging means finding a backer/patron. This translation was conducted more literally as the humor within fits the MC’s tone