secret wardrobe of the duchess
“It’s Edgar.”
The duke pressed his temple and looked at her, clearly irritated. Rubica looked straight back at him while her heart pounded in fear.
She couldn’t believe she was openly opposing such a great man with a high rank.
‘… Arman.’
However, thinking of the name of her loved one gave her strength. She could feel her heart beating differently when thinking about him. No matter how beautiful and great the man in front of her was, she loved Arman.
Yes, it would be better to explain it properly to the duke. How unfortunate it would be for him to marry a woman who loved another man? She clenched her two hands tightly and spoke firmly to Edgar.
“I am in love with someone else.”
Silence. Edgar stared at her without any change of expression. She felt like her face was melting at his hard gaze, but she had already thrown the dice. She couldn’t say anything else.
She silently prayed Edgar wouldn’t think she had just said that to avoid the marriage. After a long time, his eyes twinkled for a second and soon turned back to normal. He sighed and put his head on his hand. Then, he asked, “Who is he?”
“Excuse me?”
“I hope you would at least tell me who he is to make me understand, chéri.”
Chéri. That word was used for lovers.
Rubica realized he was gracefully criticizing her and bit her lips hard. Duke Claymore had great power and wealth. She did fear that anything could happen if she told him about Arman, but she was sure that he wasn’t that kind of man who would harm her or Arman in any way, even after finding out the truth.
Even when she had been caught as a maid who was running away after stealing from the Berners, he had first tried to listen to her before deciding on her punishment.
She still hated him, in spite of his beauty, but he didn’t appear to be a man without principles.
“His name is Arman.”
“That name is quite common. Where does he live?” Edgar calmly asked another question, but Rubica was dumbfounded.
Arman, where did he live before the war? She had never asked that. As Hue’s Abbey had been full of people from many different countries, that kind of question was practically forbidden.
However, she couldn’t bring herself to lie to the duke. For some reason, Rubica had this feeling that he would immediately know if she lied. In fact, Rubica was not good at lying. Because of that, Stephen hadn’t believed a single word she spoke even when she was telling the truth.
“I don’t know.”
“How old he is?”
“… about 25 years old.”
“So, he is my peer. Good, and what is his status?”
“He is a nobleman, probably.”
Edgar’s lips trembled. Rubica could barely stop herself from avoiding his gaze. As Arman had clearly been highly educated, she couldn’t think of him as an ordinary commoner. Even if he had been a commoner, a man with such knowledge would have been given at least a baronet title.
Rubica wasn’t lying, so she thought she had nothing to be afraid of.
“Probably, probably, probably. You’ve been guessing since the beginning. Very well. My fiancé who is in love with someone else, how tall is he? What is the color of his hair? And of his eyes? Does he have a domain? Does he have any degree? What is his family name?”
Rubica opened her mouth and closed it again at Edgar’s series of questions. Then, she blankly stared at the duke.
She didn’t know.
She didn’t have the answer to any of those questions.
What was the color of Arman’s hair before it turned white, and how his eyes had sparkled before they dimmed, where he had grown up before the war, where he had studied, Rubica didn’t know.
She had loved him without knowing any of it.
Edgar asked the last question.
“Do you have any means to contact him now?”
Eventually, tears started to fall from Rubica’s auburn eyes.
“… no.”
“Rubica.”
She just shed tears, not even thinking of covering her face. Edgar reached out to her. And instead of wiping her tears, he grabbed her face with both hands to stop her shaking eyes from running away from him.
‘… cold.’
Rubica thought so, without any way to run from his cold eyes.
Cold.
The fingers on her cheeks, his gaze looking down at her, and the piercing questions. They were all extremely cold. She didn’t know much about him, but she was sure of one thing.
‘He doesn’t love me!’
“Does he love you?”
And his next question was more than enough to stab her heart.
“…”
Arman. Oh, Arman. Did he love me?
Rubica couldn’t be sure.
Arman had always been at her side. He used to quietly stroke her hair and pat her shoulder whenever she was tired, lonely, or troubled. Even though he couldn’t see, he always knew what kind of help she needed. His kind hands made her heart beat from time to time and made her have some kind of expectation.
Oh, but he had been way too kind.
Rubica would tell her heart to stop getting useless hopes. Arman, she would look at the blue ring on his neck and swore to not misunderstand kindness as love.
But had it all been mere kindness?
The kindness Arman had given Rubica had been more than the simple kindness toward a colleague.
And the ring, which she guessed to belong to his lover, was now on her chest.
Yes, Rubica couldn’t be sure. Had Arman loved her or not, she couldn’t know.
However, there was one thing she could tell him. With her head in his hands, she looked straight at him and spoke firmly.
“That doesn’t matter. I love him, and that’s what matters.”
“Get rid of that nonsense!”
For a second, Rubica thought he was about to drag her to him and kiss her.
His two eyes showed that much passion, but he didn’t. Instead, he glared at Rubica as if he was going to devour her.
“Rubica Berner, you should try harder if you want to fool me.”
Edgar scolded, but Rubica didn’t act like a person whose lie had been busted. She didn’t look away nor her cheeks reddened. She had nothing to be ashamed of.
“I am not lying.”
“You want to me to believe that? You don’t know his exact appearance, height, and status. You don’t know where he is. And you cannot marry me for someone who has the common name Arman?”
“Has Your Grace never loved someone like that?”
The moment she saw the anger in his blue eyes, she realized she had touched what she shouldn’t have. Edgar pushed her face away. He then put his hand on his forehead, clearly distressed.
“What you just spoke about was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Your Grace, it’s my turn to ask questions. Why did you propose to me even though I had nothing? It doesn’t have to be me,” Rubica breathed hard and asked. She couldn’t understand how her timid self could say such a thing to the duke.
However, what she said didn’t reach Edgar’s ears. He thought for a long time. Then, he was in control of his emotions again. He recovered his sculpture-like expression and looked at Rubica.
“I will tell you your favorite words. I love you.”
“Ha.”
The sound of laughter, which she couldn’t hold back, came out. However, Edgar had now succeeded in pressing every emotion under his consciousness. His expression didn’t change.
“Your Grace, you don’t believe in love. No, you find it disgusting.”
“No, I love you. Enough to marry you even if you say you love someone else.”
“Are you… mocking me? Why are you lying to me?”
“You’ve been lying to me, why shouldn’t why?”
Rubica wanted to say no, that there was not a single lie about her feelings toward Arman. But at the same time, she realized Edgar would never believe it.
Their very first meeting was wrong.
Even though Rubica had no intentions to lie, Edgar had plenty of reasons to think of her as a liar. Moreover, any sane person would have chosen to believe that Rubica was lying instead of telling the truth about Arman.
“We cannot get married if we don’t trust each other.”
“So, you are finally ready to marry me.”
Rubica glared at the mean but beautiful lips and said, “Is it your habit to mock people? Or is it your specialty?”
Edgar’s lips opened a little at this. His teeth behind his stubborn lips were straight and white. They matched his red lips.
‘Please, come to your senses!’
Rubica stopped herself from being enchanted by his beauty again and looked at him with hostility.
“You’re the first person to speak to me like that…”
“I guess saying that is a habit of yours.”
It was strange, but Edgar’s lips slightly moved in a good mood.
“It is a husband and wife’s virtue to equally discuss about complaints.”
“Husband and wife who mock each other and quarrel will only meet their doom.”
“You don’t want to marry me that much?”
“Yes.”
Edgar straightened his back and looked straight at Rubica.
When he had seen her in front of the Berner Mansion shaking in Stephen’s hand, he had thought she looked quite weak. Even if she didn’t want to marry him, she had no choice.
He had thought such a weak woman would weigh her family’s safety and her own misery and eventually accept the marriage. However, after 10 minutes of talking with her in the carriage, he admitted he had been wrong about her.